Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Analyze This V.

Poor blog, Ive neglected you for so many months now! It's ok, I have juicy updates and a nightmare trom this morning to tell you about!

I was told that I had cancer and was going to die in a few days. My mother thought that it would be best for me to have my organs removed, leaving behind only the most vital organ, my heart. Usually this procedure is performed after death, but my mother insisted that I have it taken care of right away. Apparently a surgeon in my dream (or a creative butcher), she cut a long vertical slit along my spinal cord and pulled my back open. One by one, she placed the organs into a jar.

After the procedure, she told me that she wasn't going to suture me back up; I was going to die in a couple days anyway and it would be easier to remove my heart this way. I agreed and went on with my day.

Everything was normal (or as normal as it can be given this situation). However, when I ate my belly region would hurt. My mother explained that it was because I no longer had a pancreas to process food sugars by releasing insulin (yes, I have nerdy thoughts in my dreams). I didn't know if I had a stomach any longer.

After eating, I went to the barber shop. I insisted that I wanted to get my hair relayered so that I would have cute bangs to fall on my forehead when I was in my casket for viewing. As the barber sprayed water onto my dry hair, I had an adverse reaction. My eyes were bleeding from their sockets!


I carefully dabbed my eyes and left the shop without getting my haircut completed. Was it time for me to die? Terrified, I went home to take a shower and wash away the bad thoughts along with pieces of my cut hair. Thoroughly soaping my body went ok, but once I turned on the water to rinse, I started bleeding from every opening. My eyes, my nose, my mouth, my back were all pouring out blood.

My time had come.